I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
