Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
