Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
