Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
