youre lurking in front of me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
