I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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