and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
