Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
