Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my poor anus
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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