My room smells like vodka and shame
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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