you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
