I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
