who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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