this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
