so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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