my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
