I bet he comes in French.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
