If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize