It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
