How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
