i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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