I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
