fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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