Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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