I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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