i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
