he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
