It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
