Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
