chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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