yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
