the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
