he shaved USA in his pubs
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
