Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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