Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize