Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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