I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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