the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize