If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
