She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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