Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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