You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
