Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
