I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
