even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
