Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
