Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
