i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
