I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
