I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
