Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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