Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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