Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work

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(815): View more from Illinois

I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.

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(313): View more from Michigan

if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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(204): View more from Manitoba

You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.

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(269): View more from Michigan

My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."

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(206): View more from Washington

He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.

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