I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
