Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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