How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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