I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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