I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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