Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
