the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
