i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
