Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
