so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
