im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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