I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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