Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
