I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
