when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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