Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I believe in your delicious
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
