he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
