One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
