Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
