she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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