He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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