guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize