Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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