Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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